American Management


 

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Thinking is the hardest work there is, which is the probable reason so few engage in it.

Henry Ford

As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday, and employees will receive their cards in two weeks.

This was the winning quote from Fred Dales, Microsoft Corp. in Redmond WA

What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might encounter.

Lykes Lines Shipping

E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business.

Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company

This project is so important we can't let things that are more important interfere with it.

Advertising/Marketing manager, United Parcel Service

Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule.

Plant Manager, Delco Corporation

No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on it for months. Now go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when it's time to tell them.

R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3M Corp.

Quote from the Boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say."

Division Chief, RAFB, GA. Environmental Management

My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday. When I told my Boss, he said she died on purpose so that I would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could change her burial to Friday. He said, "That would be better for me."

Shipping executive, FTD Florists

We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees.

Switching supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division


 

Rules of the workplace

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1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.

2. If it's really a rush job, run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how it's going. That helps. Or even better, hover behind me, advising me at every keystroke.

3. Always leave without telling anyone where you're going. It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.

4. If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books, or supplies, don't open the door for me. I need to learn how to function as a paraplegic and opening doors with no arms is good training in case I should ever be injured and lose all use of my limbs.

5. If you give me more than one job to do, don't tell me which is the priority. I am psychic.

6. Do your best to keep me late. I adore this office and really have nowhere to go or anything to do. I have no life beyond work.

7. If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If that gets out, it could mean a promotion.

8. If you don't like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in conversations. I was born to be whipped.

9. If you have special instructions for a job, don't write them down. In fact, save them until the job is almost done. No use confusing me with useful information.

10. Never introduce me to the people you're with. I have no right to know anything. In the corporate food chain, I am plankton. When you refer to them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them

Now are there any questions as to why the United States has a trade deficit?

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| Home Page | Contents | Index | Comments? |

| Chapter — Curmudgeon's Corner |

| Next — Project Guiding Principles |

| Back — Government and Politics |


 

Last modified 1/22/14